I’ve sat down in front of my computer so many times over the course of the past few months and as I tap out the same ol bullshit type posts with tears of frustration in my eyes I just end up hitting delete. Why you might ask, and if you’re not asking then you should probably just go on ahead and stop reading…. go ahead move along because you’re probably the reason I’ve been hitting delete.
I have had the “pleasure” of being Girl Gone Healthy since the Summer of 2009 back when blogging was relatively still a novelty and there weren’t 1 million weight loss/health/fitness blogs, back when you typed Girl Gone Healthy into google and I was the ONLY one that came up and now there seems to be Girls Gone Healthy, Girl Gone Healthier, Girl Gone pretty much anything you can think of and while in one breath that makes me so mad in the other I look at my life now and I’m not the same Girl Gone Healthy AT ALL. My goals aren’t anywhere near what they were in 2009, not even close. I used to log on and simply write about my day with Zac, my work outs (those used to happen a lot more often), what I was eating or recipes I discovered and it was really like a daily journal for ME and not so much anyone else. Eventually I ended up joining Fit World and landed my first Partnership as Girl Gone Healthy and my blog took off because Jordan Knight of New Kids On The Block owned the gym so with him Tweeting about me and Following me I gained quite the audience, I had to step up my game. As my weight continued to go down I started putting myself out there even more. There was an audition for The Food Network, making the Top 5 for The Rhode Show, running races like 10k’s and 1/2 marathons, partnerships with more brands/doctor’s offices/businesses and all the while my weight was all over the place and I was chasing numbers. Numbers on the scale, number of views, number of Followers….NUMBERS NUMBERS NUMBERS.
The number chasing was making me so angry and hurt as I began losing Followers, failing to keep partnerships due to not being what they “wanted/needed” any longer because I couldn’t produce NUMBERS, chasing my audience and seeing my NUMBERS plummet when I posted about my family, my weight being all over the place but not quite where you all wanted it or needed it to be, my son’s Autism, my pregnancy and then birth of my daughter followed by the news of her being completely deaf and her journey to Cochlear Implants…..
My audience wasn’t “happy” unless I was posting about losing weight and while right now I have baby weight to lose that’s NOT my entire life. I 100% understand that the premise of this site, my social media etc is/was weight loss but that’s not whats at the forefront of my life right now. Right now my life is my baby girl and my son, both Special Needs in different ways.
My life is finding balance and it’s not easy. I can’t just drop everything and go to the gym- I go late at night or weekend mornings when I can. I can’t just head out for a 3,4,5 mile run when ever- instead I go walk at the mall in the morning’s after school drop off with Harper when I can. I can’t sit here and type out how great my day was and how I’ve lost 15 pounds in a month and how I’ve been eating perfectly and blah blah blah bullshit blah….. That’s not me right now.
So where do I go from here?
Do I continue to log on and get angry over NUMBERS? Do I continue to stress myself out as I watch my Facebook “Likes” drop by the large handfuls EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.? Do I just give up and let Girl Gone Healthy go, stop paying the money each month for security/hosting/my domain name….. I guess it all depends on YOU.
I can’t sit here and say that I won’t post about my family. I can’t sit here and say that every post will be this wonderful sunshine filled/uplifting/motivational post because I’d be lying. I can’t sit here and say that I work out 7 days a week and I eat perfect and I track all of my meals because again I’d be lying.
But what I can say is that I can promise to post about my life, my REAL life. I want to share products that I actually LIKE with all of you whether it’s for myself or maybe for my kids, my house, my husband etc. I can promise to post about the up’s the down’s the in between’s, the great on track work out and eating awesome days and the days that I went without eating until after 3pm because that’s just how the day is going. I can promise to still be here to support you, to understand, to GET IT because I do I really fucking do get it. I can promise to let you all in, to show you me and show you “behind the curtain” because I think I need to and because I think you all need it too.
So these are my options….. do I just let the past 7 1/2 years go and hang it up or do we change focus and keep going? I have until the end of the month to decide since that’s when I have to shell out the money to keep everything going website wise and if the website goes do I even keep my Facebook, Twitter, etc…..
If you’re still reading then tell me what you think by commenting here or on FB because if no one cares then I guess I’ll just walk away.