I wish I could write this post with a HUGE smile across my face and share with all of you how happy I am, but sadly that’s not the case. Let me fill you in….
As you know I traveled to New York over the weekend to audition for The Next Food Network Star. This trip was huge for me, as it was the first time I was going to be away from Zac for longer than a few hours and I was driving into the city alone. BUT I did it. The drive was incredible, I loved my hoteland even made friends with the staff there. I arrived on Sunday full of hope and excitement, and totally ready to explore the magical concrete jungle that is Manhattan’s East Side. From The Benjamin to The Waldorf Astoria, I was surrounded by gorgeous buildings and culture that only NYC can provide. I must’ve looked like the Cheshire cat as I walked around, and believe me I walked ALL AROUND, because my face literally hurt.
While out exploring I popped in to the Food Emporium and scored a GORGEOUS grilled veggie and mozzarella salad!
This salad was insane and super fresh! As I happily packed away my salad and hit the road for more exploring I stumbled upon what I would like to deem the world’s best hidden cupcake bakery. I present to you, Buttercup Bake Shop! When I walked in it only took one glance at the gleaming displays to know that I was about to have the BEST cupcake ever! It took me quite a while to decide on just one, I did have an audition to look good for the next morning, but I finally decided on the Red Velvet. I chose the red velvet because it made me think of the south, which in turn made me think of my Mom and of course the Queen of Red Velvet and Buttercream-Ms. Paula Deen. I thought this little gem would certainly bring me all the comfort, and luck, I needed!
As if the excitement of returning to the hotel to gobble all of the delicious-ness I accumliated wasn’t enough there in front of me was where I’d be auditioning-Sutton Place. I walked over and my heart began to race. I mentally placed myself in line and visualized myself waiting with confidence knowing that I had tons of love and support being sent my way. I was so excited and that big grin just got bigger!
After my amazing meal, happily eaten while watching Food Network of course, I hit the gym!
I of course repped the Celtics while I put in my 3 miles!
When I woke up the next morning, I jumped out of bed. I eagerly gathered all of my goodies for the audition and took extra time to get myself dolled up.
I wanted to be in line early, so I checked out of the hotel for 7am and bravely hopped in a NYC cab! My cab driver assured me that he practiced his driving at home via video games and that he never crashed……OH GOOD! However, I arrived safely and I was SEVENTH in line!!!! I stood in the muggy Manhattan heat on 4 inch heels for 3 hours! That in itself should’ve gotten me a direct ticket to the next round ;).
I met some really incredible people in line and it was fun because we were able to stay together the whole way through. Once inside I didn’t have to wait long for my chance to be seen. I really wish you guys could’ve seen my audition…..it was PERFECT. I answered all of her questions quickly, easily, and really let her know how passionate I was about my mission and she reassured me that they would contact me within 24 hours if I was chosen to continue to the next round. I actually walked out of there feeling like I nailed it. It’s true what they say, you know when you did your best-you can feel it-it radiates through you, so true. I couldn’t have done any better. In fact I was so confident that I be-bopped back over to my new fave bakery and purchased a box of celebratory cupcakes to bring back to the boys and Nana.
Me, my cup cakes, and my 4 inch heels trekked the 6 blocks back to the hotel feeling very sure of ourselves. I literally smiled the entire 3 hour drive home, I was so sure….
Tuesday morning arrived and I was full of anxiety. I hit the gym and burned a whopping 610 calories in Zumba while trying not to puke over waiting for the phone to ring. 1 hour turned in to 6 and the phone never rang. As the day pushed on my confidence was diminished to absolutely none. I questioned why I ever thought I could actually do something like that. Why was I was so stupid to waste time and money on chasing a dream, why in the world would something amazing happen to ME. My depression and broken spirit actually made me question if I should even continue doing GGH. Why would anyone want to read, why would you take my “advice”, I completely failed and let everyone down. I announced to everyone that I was Following My Dream and that I would surely succeed, and not one person-not any of you thought any differently. You were all just as sure as I was that I would in fact nail this, that I would end up on Food Network spreading my message, and I failed. I really boxed up everything that was GGH related last night and set it aside to bring down stairs this morning. I was so broken, if you know me personally you wouldn’t have recognized me. I cried myself to sleep last night, praying that the morning would bring me solace, peace, and grant me strength to continue being the mom and wife I needed to be.
So here we are now, a new day-a new month- a fresh start. As I lay in bed I logged on to Facebook and Twitter and read incredible messages, and I knew that GGH MUST continue. It would go against everything I’ve ever tried to convey to all of you if I just gave up. What if I just gave up when things got tough with Zac, he would never be where he is today. What if I just gave up every time the hubby and I argued, we would’ve been divorced before we were even married LOL. What if I just gave up every time something didn’t work out the way I intended it to? So why did this hurt me so much?
To Follow A Dream and put yourself out there is the hardest thing you can possibly do. You can be confident and know your stuff but if you’re not what someone is looking for then it’s just not meant to be. I know it’s my calling to help people, I know it’s in my future to spread the GGH word and let people know that YOU CAN change your life, that YOU CAN eat real meals while getting healthy and that I will be there every step of the way. I had so many cheerleaders through this process, that to stop GGH completely would be, and pardon my language, a bitch ass move. How can I give up something that brings me so much joy? How could I just stop doing something that someone out there right now needs?
And that’s just it, I can’t.
Thank you all for showing me so much love and I hope that one day in the future I’ll be sitting on set at Food Network looking back at this post.
Follow Your Dreams, don’t be afraid, and if it doesn’t work out and your heart is broken-call me I understand.
Healthy Wishes and a MILLION Hugs- T